Just this week the Lord showed me in an intimate way how He loves me in the middle of my disobedience. It was a week where it seemed my kids had lost their minds, forgetting every rule we have ever had in our home, and finding new creative ways to act out (sneaking out of bed and playing at 10pm in the living room, playing a stellar game of hide and seek at 6:30AM, only forgetting to clue us in on the game. I could go on, and this is just the youngest).

I found myself taking it so personally, as a direct indicator of my effectiveness as a parent, and a direct assault against my authority. In essence, their disobedience was about me.

In the Lord’s graciousness, He spoke gently to my heart and reminded me that my job is not to procure or enforce their obedience, but to love them through relationship while speaking truth and teaching them His ways. He is the only One that can change a heart. I cannot control their obedience out of them. (Ugh, even as a type that, it sounds so yuck. But that is what sin is, totally missing the mark.)

And I want to take a minute to call out some of the other lies in the statement above. One being that others’ choices are not an indicator of anything about me (my identity and worth/abilities/etc are in Christ). My kids’ disobedience is an indicator of their fallen, sin nature. They are little sinners. Cute, but sinners. It doesn’t mean that I am a total failure as a parent because my kids choose poorly, most of the time. And it doesn’t mean you are either, if you find yourself in a similar situation. It is just a really great reminder, if we allow ourselves to view it this way, of our need and their need of a Savior.

And lie number two, parenting is not about my authority, but about stewarding a God-given authority that is ultimately about pointing my kids to His authority in their lives. The goal is to not raise them up in my image or whatever image I perceive their need to resemble, but to raise them up in the Lord, to look  and live like Jesus. And when I put these explicit terms, it becomes apparent really quickly that that is not a task that I can achieve on my own. Once again, the Holy Spirit has got to do that one, too. (I’m picking up a theme…)

And then, as He usually does, the Lord took it a step further and reminded me that He has embraced me and loved me in the midst of my worst rebellions and when I wasn’t the least bit interested in His glory, but solely focused on my own. He loved me through it. He did not leave me. He didn’t shame me. He even sent His Son to ensure there wouldn’t be a relational break between us. (He does not withdraw when I get it wrong! He doesn’t leave when things get hard. He holds on all the more because He knows that what I need most is Him.)

 

“It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.” Ephesians 2:1‭-‬6 MSG

I love that version of this passage, especially the part “with no help from us!” I can trust Him with my kids. I can trust that as I do my best – not perfection, but my broken best – at obedience, He will do what only He can do.  And I can rest in that, and find myself with ample opportunities to have the privilege of just loving my kids through this life, relieved of the pressure of needing to save and ensure their obedience. It’s not my place, and definitely not something I can do, not even for myself. I will let Him be God in their lives, and I will let Him by God in mine, by the grace of the Holy Spirit.

What areas, if you were completely honest, do you find yourself trying to control that God has never meant for you take ownership of? It’s subtle, this lie of control, this taking on responsibility that was never given to us to steward, and that tricks us into missing what we have been called to do – surrender, trust, extend grace and forgiveness, take responsibility for our own actions.

Will you join me in confessing any areas the Holy Spirit reveals to you, and choosing to rest in the finished work of the cross of Jesus and the amazing implications that means for our lives? I know that this tired mama can sure use some rest, real rest.

“I believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure. ” -Eric Liddell

I have always loved this quote, for as long as I can remember. I loved what it represents, this possibility that when you are fully in your life, connected to the purposes for which God has created you, that you experience Him in a far greater and more tangible way this side of heaven. Maybe you have caught a glimpse of this in your own life, when you have tasted a nibble of something that sparks your passion or perhaps, for you more adventurous types, have dove in head-first into what you believed to be God’s calling on your life.

I used to describe this feeling, for lack of a better word, when I would talk about times I feel inspired to write. It was like I was experiencing a sweet, sweet intimacy with the Holy Spirit that I didn’t often experience in that same way anywhere else. It is personal. It is humbling. It is so fulfilling. And it makes me thirsty for more.

I haven’t really heard anyone else describe it this way before, outside of the above quote, until I ran across Ann Swindell’s post today, where she penned these words:

“And I found, the further I went into words and story and the grinding turn of revision, that I met God in the process of writing in deep, deep ways. I loved that when I wrote, I felt his nearness; I felt, more than anything, at home.“

At home. Yes. For my often wandering pilgrim’s heart, this perfectly describes my experience. A place where things just seem to settle into place and magnify a sense of clarity and focus for my life, even if for just a few fleeting moments. And joy! Abundant joy and a sense of fulfillment.

So what’s so exciting about this, you may say? Well, besides the fact that it’s always nice to feel like you run across someone that can paint your experience with words, this comes as a very swift and personal response to a prayer that my husband and I prayed together recently. The prayer was prompted from a place of dryness and stagnation, where I’ve found myself feeling weary and somewhat discouraged from the monotony of the day-to-day of being a Stay-At-Home-Mama.

“Lord, I’m struggling. I know You have me here, but I feel detached from vibrant life. I believe You have more for me than this. Help me to find something that will revive, rejuvinate, and be life-giving to me.”

Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful that God has so graciously chosen this place for me. And I wouldn’t choose anything else now. But that doesn’t mean that it’s easy, or that I wake up excited and ready to attack my day most days. My attention-to-detail approach to life makes it hard for me to maintain a vision of the overall, sweeping purposes and meaningfulness of the monotony, and so I have to continually draw myself away to Jesus’ feet for Him to renew my perspective and infuse once again the sense of purpose in the “wash, rinse, repeat” of my day.

So, back to the prayer. I didn’t really have an expectation (that I’m aware of) of how the Lord would respond, but I trusted that He would. Somehow, even in the middle of desertland, the Lord graced me with Hope. Maybe a new hobby? A new ministry to serve in? A good book? (joking…kind of. I was at a point where I would accept whatever.)
And in His grace, He has responded. And quickly, thank You, Jesus.

First, with this article. Please go read this. Like right now. It’s that good.

“The habit we practice without realizing it is one of denying our own personhood….And it’s keeping us from becoming most fully ourselves.”

When we are able to embrace fully how God has created us – interests, tendencies (good and bad), skills, giftings, experiences, limitations, struggles, – and live in that identify, we glorify Him to our fullest potential, because we are revealing His true design. The goal isn’t to just know myself better, but that this whole process of embracing who He has made me and pursuing His design allows me to know Him better, and better make Him known.

When I tell myself -whether consciously or subconsciously – that while I would enjoy doing ______, that is just really not for me, that I’m not enough (talented enough, popular enough, rich enough, fill in your own lack), then I am limiting the extent to which I can experience God and that I can reveal Him to others around me. And I will add, I’m probably not recognizing that one huge factor in all of this is the expectation or picture of how the above would look (and which automatically disqualifies me in my own mind). When I don’t recognize this and choose to not pursue whatever my _____ is, I’m trusting my own understanding instead of trusting God’s design and ultimate purpose.

For example, I feel called to write. (And I confess that I feel quite vulnerable admitting this publicly for the first time) And for a long time, this calling has intimated me and I have procrastinated and avoided the implications.

One of the reasons of that is because I thought I knew what the end goal would be and saw the cavernous gap between here and there (enter obstacle one: my expectation of what God had planned).
Some other obstacles have been the usual suspects – comparison, insecurity, fear, laziness, the fact that it looks a whole lot like work (just keeping it real).

And so I haven’t pursued what I felt God was calling me to, not wholeheartedly. And it’s not even until I type out these words that I realize the disobedience in that. Lord, please forgive me.

While deep down I know that I would enjoy writing and being a writer, I have allowed these obstacles to tell me that it wasn’t for me. It was for those more talented, more educated, more creative people out there, and so I better just leave it to them. They’ll do a good job.

All the while, denying the sadness and even jealousy and resentment that others got to do what I wanted to do. (What a tangled, complicated cycle.)

But like Emily Freeman says in the article, there is a space for me. And there is a space for you. And if we don’t step into our space, we’re missing out on a greater intimacy with God, on greater joy and fulfillment during this lifetime, and on ultimately bringing Him the most glory that we can through this short life.

The space I’m called to may look really different than most. And so part of my process in acknowledging my calling is also letting go of the expectation of what it will turn out to be (which sounds a whole lot like surrender).

And most importantly, acknowledging that it is His space that He has carved out for me.
His portion for my life.
It is His place for me, as His child, to sing and dance and live freely, learning more about Him as I function as He created me to, and ultimately allowing Him to use my life, my work, my writing, my whatever however He wants to.
Because it is His.
I’m not trying to create my own version of it, but it is surrendered to Him.

And because it’s His space for me, there is freedom!

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17

And free people can set other people free! The cost isn’t just what you will miss out on, but what others may miss out on because you’re not there. I SO need people living freely in front of me to show me that it’s possibility to be free, too.

So let’s be in our space, fully in our lives, grappling with it (as Martha Kilpatrick would say), and He will make Himself know to us and to others, for our good and His glory!

“The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” – Psalm 16:5-6

So what has God placed within your space? What is the composition of all of your personality and skill set and dreams look like for you? I’d love to hear! I’ve love for this to be a place where you can acknowledge God’s design, maybe even for the first time, and claim that you do have a space to step into, to fulfill, to reveal more of our Creator.

“He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.“ – Ephesians 2:10 (MSG)

“It is God himself who has made us what we are and given us new lives from Christ Jesus; and long ages ago he planned that we should spend these lives in helping others.“ – Ephesians 2:10 (TLB)

“For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].“ – Ephesians 2:10 (AMP)

Some of the other really cool resources that I’ve been lead to recently are below. I could go on and on about those as well, but I want to get them out here sooner than it would take to wrap them in words.

The Influence Network

A Well-Watered Woman (and the whole Life Lived Beautifully website)

Ann Swindell’s post on Pursuing Your Passion In The Margins (I’m currently taking her 6-week online writing course, which has been SO good. More to come on that later.)

Enjoy!

I love these types of posts.

These are the posts where I get to share what the Lord has been pouring into me,

to proclaim His Presence that has so faithfully been here the whole time (even when my eyes can’t see and my ears can’t hear),

to acknowledge what He has been doing in my life,

to really press in and know Him and His ways more and more,

to recognize how He is fulfilling His promises to me (and all of creation).

Last year,  I heard the Lord whisper the word “fulfill” to my heart. And He was so faithful to continue to speak along these lines. It was amazing to see how He would tie in different circumstances, sermons, worship experiences, devotions, and conversations to continue to layer on His truth and to reveal His movement. It was humbling to watch, and I’m so thankful for the experience. He fulfilled a lot of personal words to me – promises of what He has done and will continue to do in my life and the lives of the ones I love. And He continued to fulfill His promises that He made at the beginning of creation – drawing His children to Himself, showcasing His power and majesty and might, accomplishing His redemptive work for all humanity.

My husband and I have really enjoyed the tradition of praying for a word from the Lord for the upcoming year, but it’s also a nerve-wracking experience for me. Each year around the middle of December, as I start to pray for a new word, I get a little anxious. I start to question if I will really hear from the Lord, if I will really be able to distinguish His voice and personal word for me from my own thoughts and all the noise in my head. But each year the Lord comes through, and He responds.

And I’m reminded again that He always does! Not always in my timing, but He does respond when I call on Him. (Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness and love for me.)

This year He surprised me by speaking early on – two words that were very closely connected. So I started praying and one word seemed more significant. (I’ll get to the second one in a minute.)

So this year, I’m excited to share that my word is Proclaim!

Eep! The Lord’s Presence has been so apparently surrounding this word and I have such a sense of expectancy about what He is going to do that I can’t help but share it!

According to good ‘ole Webster’s dictionary, it means
– to say or state (something) in a public, official, or definite way : to declare or announce (something)
– to show (something) clearly
– to praise or glorify openly or publicly

I personally felt the Lord defining proclaim for me as
– speaking truth – to myself, over my kids, to others
– to acknowledge by word and deed what He is doing in my life and Who He is
– to speak truth boldly with humility (a combination I believe is only possible through the Holy Spirit)
– to speak life and vision
– to claim by faith, in words and actions, what God has to offer me

One verse that He’s given me so far is Psalm 107:2, “Let the redeemed of the Lord say so” (ESV)
I also really liked the following two translations:
“Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story – those He redeemed from the hand of the foe,” (NIV)
“Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others He has redeemed you from your enemies.” (NLT)

Also, as I was reviewing my journal from last fall, I came across a scripture I had written down one Sunday at church:

^“For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.“ – 1 Corinthians 11:26

I love how this represents that my actions – not just my words – declare what I believe and in Whom I believe (or also reveal my doubts and disbelief).

And then of course, this passage for me captures the heart of what the Lord is drawing my eyes and heart to this season:

Psalm 145: 1-8,
I will extol you, my God and King,
    and bless your name forever and ever.
Every day I will bless you
    and praise Your Name forever and ever.
Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,
    and His greatness is unsearchable.

 

What is interesting about this word so far is that it came in a season where I was really struggling. Things had gotten hard with being home with the kids full-time, it felt like school and just life in general was a struggle and fight every day, and I felt very dry and dead -spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. And so I confessed to the Lord, honestly and in confusion, that I didn’t understand. I was in a season where I needed someone to proclaim the Lord’s faithfulness and truth to me. How was I supposed to muster up the faith and strength to proclaim truth to others when I was having a hard time believing it myself?

But the Lord wasn’t telling me to proclaim to someone else. He knew I needed to be proclaiming the truth to myself.  I needed some moments, like David, where I asked myself,
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 42:5-6a

As I shared a little here, the Lord recently revealed that I need to incorporate a time of praise and worship into my time with Him each morning. This step has helped to still my heart and mind in such a way that allows my heart to really engage with the Lord, to acknowledge His Presence here with me, to receive His truth through His Word, and tunes my ears to hear from the Lord in a way that  I don’t know I’ve ever experienced before. It has led to a very sweet season with Him and I am so grateful for it. Before, without this ‘stilling process,’ I would usually read over a passage here, a devotional there, and then go on with my day, barely pausing in prayer and definitely not recognizing my current state of need.

And so I’ve found that as my mouth is declaring His truths during praise and worship, it is strengthening my spirit and my faith and it’s helping me to walk in freedom in areas where I’ve struggled in the past with defeat.

I’m not claiming that if you start every day with a praise and worship song that life is going to be peachy-keen and perfect, but I will say that I have experienced the Lord in amazing ways and it feels like victory and freedom for me.

So I’m excited to see what all the Lord wants to show me about proclaiming Who He is in truth, in word and action, in prayer and worship – to my own heart and then to whoever else crosses my path. Because He has been so faithful and I need to tell. If He has done this for me, then He will do it for you.

The second word that I received initially was actually a word that the Lord has for my family this year! This is the first year that it has even occurred to me to ask for a family word, and so I appreciate the Lord’s inspiration in leading me to ask for that.

So our family word for 2016 is Acknowledge (from Webster’s Dictionary):
– to recognize the rights, authority, or status of
– to express gratitude or obligation for
– to take notice of
– to recognize as genuine or valid

This word holds special meaning for me, as it’s something the Lord spoke to me about in college as I was claiming Proverbs 3:5-6 as my life verses:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

The term acknowledge here refers to a personal, experiential knowledge. Oh man, I love that. It’s such a full picture of what the Lord wants with us – for us to experience Him first-hand, in an intimate relationship that reflects Who He is in truth and grace.  And then the natural overflow of this encounter with God is to share it with others, to proclaim.

So for my family, I believe this means that the Lord is calling us
– to press in to know Him more intimately, to abide and stay in step with His Spirit
– to recognize His Presence in our lives and to help others recognize Him as well
– to allow God and His truth to be our curriculum (for homeschool) and all that we learn flow out of our pursuit of Him

One verse He’s given so far is Ezekiel 11:19-20,
“I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my ways. They will be my people and I will be there God.”

So I’ll leave you with one of my current worship jams, and I invite to join me in proclaiming God’s truth over your life! Join me in worshiping the One that created everything, and is here with us now!

You Never Change – Austin Stone Worship

Oh may I run to no other refuge
No other rest for my soul
Oh may I drink from no other fountain
Where living waters will flow

Jesus, You’re all I need

You are my life, may You be lifted high
There is no other like Jesus Christ
You are my story, You’re my everything
You are my glory, my God, and my King
You are my rock, and You never change

No other power can break the darkness
No other hand that can save
Forever faithful, Your love is stronger
I trust in no other name

My strength to stand, all of my days are in Your hand
My light to see, Your glory goes before me
My King, You reign
My rock, and You never change
No, You never change