This post is for those of us that have been known to struggle with perfectionism. (For those that can’t relate, feel free to continue reading – it may help you relate to someone in your life & learn how to love people like me).

The Lord brought something to mind this morning that I haven’t thought about in a while. It was an epiphany of sorts that He gave my heart a few years back, and one that He’s been helping me ‘walk out’ ever since.

It was this:

That there is a fine line between striving for excellence and perfectionism.

Striving for excellence seeks God’s glory and fame, and perfectionism seeks my  personal pursuit for ______________ (acclaim, recognition, sense of worth, control, etc.)

When it’s laid out there like that, it seems pretty straight forward, as though there is a clear distinction.

But “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?“ – Jeremiah 17:9

Often times, we don’t know the motive behind what we do, pursue, seek for, desire after.

We can feel as though we’re striving for a noble cause, like justice, situations where things are fair and right. (who would argue against a pursuit for that?)

BUT…

a closer look at the heart might reveal that at the root of it, it is really a pursuit of my rights, a sense of fairness for how I’ve been wronged, etc.

(Of course, I’m not talking about social injustices such as human trafficking or other awful atrocities like this. I’m talking about, in comparison, the minor things we face, such as being passed over for the promotion at work, or someone else is recognized for an effort we made, etc.)

In this example, we’re ignoring the fact that God has called us to a life of surrender, of laying down our rights and desires for His Will. And the very situation that we’re in an uproar about in our life personally may be the very thing God has orchestrated to form in us a better sense of submission to Him, trust in His ways, and humility.

The point I’m getting at is that it can be hard sometimes to really recognize the difference between these two pursuits. And as sheep, we easily wander. We don’t know the way we need to go, really on any given day, and need to constantly be seeking the Great Shepherd of our souls (1 Peter 2:25), to walk with Him daily so that He can help us navigate the curvy pathways of our hearts. Only Jesus can help us avoid the pitfalls of our selfish nature, which we will continue to struggle with until He comes back and we go Home.

One example of how this can easily play out in my life is this:

I struggle with trust. It has never come naturally or easily. Thankfully God has graciously been changing this about me, but it is still not a strength of mine. So, in seeking excellence for God, perhaps in the form of planning a ministry event, it can easily become more about me wanting to control how things play out (due to fear of how things will go if all the bases aren’t covered, all the ‘T’s aren’t crossed) than trusting if I do my best to be obedient, to plan and prepare, that the results are up to God. In a subtle way, when I choose to try to control instead of trust, I’m saying that God somehow needs me to accomplish certain things in order for Him to do His thing. (HA!) That is one of the most ridiculous lies I’ve ever heard, but until it’s brought out into the light, we can go on living and acting this way, not knowing that it’s somewhere deep in our hearts. We go about living lives that contradict what we say we believe.

So, let’s expose this lie for what it is! Let’s denounce the idea that we somehow have to enthrone our efforts, our way of doing things, our preferences (in other words, ourselves!), and let’s allow the only One worthy of our worship to take His rightful place in our hearts!

I read this yesterday, and feel it’s one way we can keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, not on ourselves and what we feel we need to do.

Romans 12:3 (MSG), “Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it’s important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.“

So how do we  1) recognize this in ourselves, and 2)combat this lie?

A good litmus test to know which of these two your heart is pursuing is to look at our response when things don’t go as expected.

Are we grieved because we feel as though it was a distraction from God,
OR
are we frustrated because we feel it’s something that will look bad on us?

Here’s a few distinctions to help you gauge where your heart may be regarding this issue.

• Perfectionism has an idea of what the end product will look like, and gets upset when that doesn’t materialize. (Focus is on the results)

• Seeking excellence seeks to do the best with what God has given you, and leaves the results up to God. (Focus is on God, leaving the end product to Him)

• Perfectionism can lead to anxiety, if things don’t go as planned, as though something has gone terribly wrong. It can lead to doubting God’s sovereignty and control.

• Seeking excellence recognizes that His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8) and knows that what can sometimes look like a disaster to me can be the very thing that God uses to reveal His beautiful, redemptive work. (I’m sure no one felt that Christ’s crucifixion, at the time, was the right thing that needed to happen.)
  
• Perfectionism can be about building my own self-image, trying to control how others perceive me, what I’m capable of, and is pretty much all about me. It can take all my time and energy and distract me from other important things around me.

• Seeking excellence is about representing God has His child, as part of His family. It’s about ‘living a life worthy of the calling I’ve received’ (Philippians 1:27), showing reverence for Who God is and that He deserves my best efforts. Ultimately, it’s all about what God.

We were made to worship God and to be in relationship with Him. We were made for His glory, so let’s make this life about how we can make Him known.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.“ 2 Corinthians 12:9

One thought that has been on my mind often in the past few months is the realization that our expectations, whether conscious or not, are so closely tied up in that which we place our hope. I don’t remember the source, but I heard recently that the thing that we are waiting on is what we’re ultimately placing our hope in.

-Waiting on our circumstances to change – because we’re secretly hoping that will bring us what we feel we lack.

-Waiting on our spouse to change – because we feel this is required before we can step into all that we are called to be.

-Waiting on _____________ (what are you waiting on right now?)

VS

-Waiting on the Lord to either change our circumstances, or perhaps better yet, to change our perspective of our circumstances, so that our hope is not in something that is ever-changing and unstable, but in Him that is Unchanging and our sure Foundation (Isaiah 33:6).

-Waiting on the Lord to cultivate in us an acceptance and love for our spouse, whether he changes or not, because God desires for us to cling to Him for our deepest needs and security. And in that, He promises to bless our obedience, as we honor our spouse. (1 Peter 3:1)

I’m not saying that desiring different circumstances or seeing Godly change in our spouse are bad things. Not at all. The danger is when we start to attach expectations to how this should look and start to believe we need those expectations to be met. At that point, from my perspective, we’re no longer placing our hope in the Lord, to move and change things as He sees fit or to work in spite of these things, but we’re placing our hope in the change – which may or may not ever come.

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame (does not disappoint), because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” – Romans 5:3-5

I don’t know what your experiences have been, and by all means, I am neither an experienced expert on this topic nor do I claim to do this even 90% of the time. But the few times, by the prompting and empowering of the Holy Spirit, that I have been able to recognize when I have misplaced expectations and surrender those desires to the Lord, rightly putting my focus and hope back on Him – in those times, I’ve been able to understand Romans 5:3-5 a little bit more clearly.

Because when I’m able to release what I grip so tightly, that I feel I need in order for ___________ to happen, that which I was holding is no longer obstructing my view. God now has the room to come in and give me a glimpse from His perspective, so that I can see what I truly need
OR
because God’s thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8), sometimes I don’t understand. But in His mercy and grace, He provides the peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7), which is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9).

So – how does it work? How do we change the focus of our expectations? Or how do we go about even figuring out if we have misplaced expectations?

Prayer.
(As a task-oriented person at heart, I love practical application.)

I’m including the practical application because it’s easy to look at all of this on an intellectual, logical level. To grasp that God should be the Source and that we should look to Him. But seriously, how to we direct our hearts to Him?

Prayer:
I’ve found it’s pretty hard to pray about something for very long, as I continue to get into God’s Word, and it not really be what God wants for me. He is faithful to renew our minds and shift our perspective so that our desires align with His. (Psalm 37:4) And because God loves us, and as any parent can relate in wanting to make sure their child’s needs are met, He desires that we find the true Source for those needs. Him.

“I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.” – Psalm 130:5

“In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation.”

 This is something I understand on an intellectual level, but I pray will become something that my heart is familiar with and that I know from experience as well –

When we learn to truly place our hope in Christ, the only Hope for our salvation, we never have to fear that it’s misplaced or that we will be ultimately disappointed. He is Jehovah Jireh (The Lord will provide). He is the One in which our deepest needs will be met, because we were made for Him. He knows what needs to happen in our lives, in order to craft His character in us through the work of the Holy Spirit. We can trust that He will use the circumstances we face (good & bad) for our good, if we will surrender them to Him.

“The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food at the proper time. You open Your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.” – Psalm 145:15-16

 
I know this morning – one of the rare times I’m up before the sun – I’m choosing to lay my requests before the One who has the ability to fulfill my deepest needs and greatest desires. I will choose to wait in expectation on Him, and fix my eyes on Him, not the object of my request, trusting that He will respond as He sees fit for my good. Because He is good. And He loves me.

The same goes for you. He is for your good. He loves you. So, will you join me in this? Just one day at a time, one step at a time, surrendering the expectations, plans, agendas, to-do lists, etc. to Him, and allow Him to establish what He desires in our lives?

And just a further challenge: why not spend a couple minute worshiping Him this morning? Allow Him the opportunity to remind you how much He does love you and allow that amazing truth to refresh your heart. We only love because He first loved us. When is the last time you soaked in His affection for you?

You are for me – Kari Job

“Therefore, since Christ suffered in His body, arm yourselves with the same attitude, because He who has suffered in His body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing in what pagans choose to do – ” 1 Peter 4:1-3

Whew – God is really speaking to me this morning regarding several different issues, but in the way that only women can understand, they are all related and intertwined, and so I’m slowly trying to digest it.

(Side note: my husband and I ran across a book once called “Men are like waffles, Women are like Spaghetti,” referring to how for women, life is all connected and overlapping, like noodles on a plate. But for men, they have their own little compartments, neatly stored in their own little individual nook (maybe the only thing they do neatly, depending on the man), like waffle cubbies.)

So, needless to say, I’m having a noodle moment. So, hopefully you can follow me.

The main topic is something that God first started speaking to me about in college through Dr. Larry Crabb’s book, “Inside Out.” I highly recommend it. I have a list of about 10 books that have been hugely influential in my spiritual life. Some of those I  fully believe God led me to for that precise season. Inside Out was one of them, pretty close to the top of the list.

It’s a very deep book, as Dr. Crabb is a deep person, so I won’t try to summarize. Rather, I’ll just say that part of it is about recognizing that so often we fall into the trap of approaching the gospel (and therefore our relationship with God) with the belief that it offers us relief from today’s life.

Let me make a clear distinction here. By relief, I do not mean Hope. The Gospel always has and always will offer Hope, because Jesus Christ is our Hope. If your gospel doesn’t bring you Hope, I would seriously examine what you’re believing to make sure it’s established in Truth.

What I am saying is that so often we want relief in the form of our problems being fixed, or better yet, eliminated. We can fall into subtle traps of believing that if we’re just obedient enough, just get into the Word more, just pray more, than we’ll feel better. We’ll see change.

Yes – those things can happen. And often they do – because God pours out His grace abundantly and overwhelming on us, all the time.

HOWEVER, if we set our faith on the fact that God will always respond in the ways that we think He will to offer us relief, we will be set up for a fall. A hard one. And possibly into doubt…exactly where the enemy wants us.

Sometimes, the hardships we face – the disappointments, the hurts, the physical ailments – they won’t go away. They stay, despite our spiritual disciplines and attempts. So, what then?

This is where I get excited – I know, sounds weird. Please stick with me.

This is where, if we will hold on to God long enough, we can experience Him a new and powerful way. Because what we see happen here is that He starts to strip away our false expectations of Who He is, how He moves, and what this relationship thing is all about with Him.

He reminds us, like in 1 Peter 4, that in this life, we will face trials (that’s also in James 1:2-4).

“Therefore, since Christ suffered in His body, arm yourselves with the same attitude, because He who has suffered in His body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing in what pagans choose to do – ” 1 Peter 4:1-3

Arm yourselves with the same attitude – in other words, expect it. Be prepared to suffer – not because you’re making bad choices and therefore reaping the consequences – but because we’re choosing to no longer make those decisions and you’re therefore now facing new struggles.

Example – Because you’re spending time in God’s Word and developing a closer walk with Him, you know aren’t as comfortable watching the certain TV show anymore. It’s not that it’s ‘all’ bad – it’s just that there are a few off-color jokes, some sexual stuff that you used to just dismiss – but now you’re just not sure you can rationalize it anymore. So, even though you enjoy it, you decide that it’s not the best way to spend your 30 minutes in the evening anymore.

Enter very slight suffering. A little bit of dying to what the flesh wants in order to foster your close relationship with God.

But now, you don’t have the connection with the co-worker you used to, discussing the latest episode over lunch. You explain a little of why you chose to not watch it anymore. Now the relationship feels distant and you really don’t have anything to talk about.


Enter more suffering – loneliness, missing a past friendship.

I’m sure you get the point.

This really challenges me in some ways, because even though I don’t consciously subscribe to a faith based on my convenience and comfort, my flesh is very invested in those things and rears its ugly head, A LOT. And so it’s in those moments where I have to choose what I am going to fix my eyes on. Will I allow the discomfort, the unmet need, the disappointment direct me to Jesus, to seeking His Presence and a deeper understanding of Who He is, or do I choose to focus on the lack.

Back to the example above. I think part of our problem is that we stop here. We sense God directing us to take that step, to give up the TV show that in turn led to a loss of relationship. And then we focus on all that we’ve lost. All that God has told us to give up, or has seemed to have taken away. And we question, assuming that if God has called us to do something, then it will come with a certain set of emotions, that it will look differently.

And we miss Him. Because instead of looking to Him in place of those things, we’re now looking back at what we’ve given up or lost.

But if we persist, if we continue to meet Him in His Word, to seek His face, what we discover is a new sensitivity instead of the numbness that the media we were exposing ourselves to had caused. We now have a greater sense of His direction and discernment on decisions. And we have peace because even though it’s not all fixed and okay, we know that we’re exactly where He wants us. 

And perhaps, just perhaps, your co-worker begins to take notice of the changes in you. Even though she may not be quick to say anything, she’s thinking and wondering what is going on. She’s challenged by the stance that you’ve taken. And God begins to move in her life as well.

And we gain a new perspective that pain is not always bad. That despite our hurt and loneliness, God is still there, speaking and directing us. That His Presence isn’t mutually exclusive with our disappointments, but that He meets us in them and shows us that He’s greater than our fears and lost dreams.