Have you ever heard something, and didn’t know how much you needed to hear it until you did?

A truth that needed to be confirmed in your life.
A ray of light that revealed a need, a hope, a secret desire.
A spark that reignited a long-forgotten dream.

You start to tear up and it surprises you.

Some seasons I’m sensitive. I can recognize the Holy Spirit’s movement in my life, see His hand in conversations and circumstances that surround me.

Other seasons, I’m distracted. A bit more callous. Caught up in my head, myself.

And yet He still pursues and beckons me. And He speaks. And it catches me off guard.

His truth is confirmed in my innermost spirit, and my response. I cry.

I have always cried in the Presence of the Lord. I cry during worship. I cry when someone speaks a truth that is meant for me or someone that I dearly love. I cry when a friend shares a conviction or a recent disciplining of the Lord.

“-Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14

Thank you, Lord, for your fierce pursuit of my heart. I long to love you faithfully, but my flesh fails. But you are faithful.

I was inspired by this post to pray and see the Lord would have one word for me to really focus on this coming year. In the past, the Lord has definitely used themes in my life to speak truth to me, direct my steps, and kick my butt (to be completely honest), and so this isn’t a new concept by any means.

But with SO much change in my life as of late (as in the past 12 months), my head has been far from objective and my thoughts far from organized & compiled. So, a focus would be a great thing these days.

And sure enough, as I started praying and thinking over the last few things I’ve really sensed the Lord speaking to me about, a theme appeared. A word that keeps coming back time and time again. (Thankfully this year’s was not Africa like ’99…that would be a little interesting considering my current season of life).

As I mentioned above, 2013 held more change jam-packed into a 12-month period that I ever remember experiencing. Please let me clarify, for those of you that may not know me personally, I am not really fond of change. We have never really gotten along. I don’t get excited when change comes around, even if I know that it’s good. I despise learning curve periods. I enjoy doing things I can do well, and change is not really one of them.

Here are some of the major changes we have faced, in no specific order:

• I had my 2nd child, a sweet little boy named Peter, in March
• We stepped out in faith, as a family, by me moving to a part-time status at work to be home with our two kidlets
• My husband, Jordan, accepted a new offer (leaving a position he had held for 9+ years, the duration of our marriage so far)
• I eventually made the leap to resign  from my position of 8 yrs to be a full-time SAHM
• The Lord directing my husband, and therefore our family, to start visiting a new church (not a change we make lightly or that isn’t without heartache)

Of all the changes listed above, I consider all of them to be good. Blessings. More than we could imagine or ever deserve, and Lord faithfully bringing about things that He has been directing us to for quite some time. Some answers to prayers we’ve been praying for years, others pleasant surprises.

But if you’re like me, and change doesn’t come too easily for you either, even ‘good’ change can leave your head spinning and your legs feeling a little shaky.

Of all the items listed, let’s not forget the domino affect that any change in your life produces. Change doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and doesn’t just affect one part of your life (as much as men would like to believe with their tidy, compartmentalized brains). Each change has ramifications, and I think sometimes we forget that. Relationships. Time management. Physical Tolls. Emotions.

Anyways, needless to say, the Lord is calling me to EMBRACE change in my life. I am very fortunate that the big ones have been positive things. Positive doesn’t always, or even often, equal easy, but I do recognize that there are struggles that people are facing every day that they would gladly exchange for my list above. But at the same time, comparison can only go so far, because we each carry our own load and have our own issues to work through. My list hits on more than one sensitive area in my own life that the Lord wishes to deal with, and so again, positive doesn’t equal easy.

Now on with the interesting part of this post – what the Lord has shown me so far regarding EMBRACE for 2014.

I am SURE that there will be more, and maybe even needed edits to this post throughout the year, as the Lord clarifies and sharpens my focus on it. But so far, here is what I’m getting…(and again, in no specific order)

1. Embrace – to be fully present, to start to recognize ways that I retreat or check out from hard moments or when things don’t go as I had planned; to recognize when my planning mode starts to pull me away from what is right in front of me instead of enabling me to do more with what time I’ve been given.
2. Embrace –embracing the real over the pursuit of the ideal; this was a phrase the Lord gave me the past couple of months as He has revealed how much I pursue ideals, missing the amazing gifts He has given me here and now.  In fact, ‘ideal’ has become a bad word around these parts. It has been added to Natalie’s list of words we don’t say, along with “freaking” and “butt.”
3. Embrace – boldness; quick obedience; no more delaying obedience by asking for continual confirmations; wholeheartedness – jumping in with both feet instead of erring on the side of caution; not allowing my fear of how others will interpret my actions keep me from what I believe the Lord is calling me to do
4. Embrace – accepting myself and who God has made me to be, and striping away any ‘add-ons’ I’ve picked up over the years, trying to make a more ‘acceptable’ version of myself; and then extending that same acceptance to other people, right where they are as well, in process.
5. Embrace – God’s love for me; truly finding my security in the intimate knowledge of this truth; I think that only then can I really embrace the changes around me, knowing I am secure in the One that doesn’t change.

That’s quite a lot, huh? A little daunting in some ways, but I am excited to see where the Lord is leading this year, and to embrace the changes He desires to make in me. 

We moved my little Peterman into his room & crib for the first time this past week. He had been sleeping in different arrangements in our room, most recently a pack ‘n play, in order for us to conveniently feed him in the middle of the night, and we just enjoy having him close. But it was time to transition him. Normally I would be pretty sappy and nostalgic about this type of thing, as most developmental changes that my littles face. I tend to mourn them, seeing what they will not be anymore, whereas Jordan gets excited with each new stage and what it will hold. So, I decided to try to follow his lead on this one, as it seems congruent to the Lord’s direction as well.

And this new change has brought about sweet times of rocking with my baby boy that I didn’t have before. Not sure if it’s the new locale, or just a change in his development, but he was never really interested in letting me rock him before. But now, I get about 3 times a day, holding that sweet baby as he falls asleep. I would say that is a pretty sweet substitute right there.

What a great reminder that so often when change may be taking something away, it may also offer something new and maybe even better on the other end.

I’m gonna take a minute during my lunch break to share something that hit me personally during my mom’s small group this past week.

It was this idea or question I need to ask myself – what am I using as my measuring stick to determine if I’ve had a “successful” day? Is it my to-do list that I, myself, am compiling of needs I’ve perceived (which may be very valid or completely distorted)? Or am I asking myself, “did you love God today and love others around?”

Practical work has to be done. Diapers must be changed, laundry needs to be done, etc.

BUT at the end of the day, am I allowing those practical things to determine whether or not my day was a success? Or am I allowing things that have eternal benefit to determine that?

I still need to do those practical things, but I don’t need to allow that to determine anything except that my child will not have diaper rash and that my family will have clothes that are clean. It does not mean that I am a good mom – I could do practical things all day long and totally ignore my child’s emotional needs. I could iron my husband’s shirts for work so he looks more professional, but I could then disrespect him continually in front of my child by ‘over-ruling’ what he just said. Yes, my to-do list can have tons of check marks and lines crossing through tasks, but are they really accomplishing what I’m ultimately going for? A family, strong and united in Christ. A loving, healthy marriage that’s defined by the Bible, not my culture? A personal walk with the Lord where I recognize every moment of every day how much I need the GRACE of God to do anything worth anything.

“I am the Vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me, and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do NOTHING.“ -John 15:5)

I’d love a formula – man oh man, I would. But I think the closest thing that we, as believers, have been given is that question – did I love God today and did I love others?

Did I love God today? Was I obedient to what I know of His Word and what I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to do.

Did I love others? Was I available for the ones the Lord put on my path, did I extend grace and compassion and His Truth? Did I pray & help carry someone else’s burden today?

Hebrews 11:6, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.”

I don’t know that this can be applied to every situation, but I think a good gauge for me is asking myself:

Did I rely on the Lord today for the things that I did?
Did what I do today require faith that God would speak through me, move through me?
What were the motivations of my heart? the condition of my heart?

Or was my day based on my to-do list that I can accomplish – yes, through the abilities God has given me- but that I did on my own, without consultation, with prayer, Jenny-powered, life-less.

Apart from Me, you can do nothing.

(Does my heart really believe that?)

Anyways, still need to meditate on this, but wanted to throw it down on virtual paper so that maybe I will mull over it long enough for the Lord to continue to give me some insight & change my heart & mind. 

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 
– 1 Corinthians 13:10

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” -Colossians 3:17