I begin this post heavy-hearted. Burdened.

I knew this day would come, but I had no idea it would be this quickly. And I feel about as unprepared (in my flesh) as I knew that I would.

But I am also intimately aware of the truth that God does equip me for the plans He has laid before me, the tasks He has put in my path, and the amazing responsibility and privilege of being able to steward of His two beautiful children.

“The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot.  The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.  For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let Your holy one see corruption.  You make known to me the path of life; in Your Presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. ” -Psalm 16:5-11

I love being reminded of how intentional the Lord is in His timing. That He would choose for this to be my opening post in my new “blog home” of A Beautiful Inheritance. That He would bring to mind and to my heart in a new way on this day the theme verse for what I now consider to describe my life’s journey – the beautiful inheritance I have in Jesus, and the beautiful inheritance that He has beyond graciously given me in my family -their callings and purposes in Him.

He is so faithful. Selah.

May I continually take moments to bask in this truth and let it seep into the deepest parts of me. My innermost places where only He knows me, that I may know Him there as well.

So here I am, at the first opportunity to start to combat the lies, the flaming arrows of the enemy, pointed right at my daughter’s mind and heart, regarding her view of womanhood, modesty, and sexuality.

Did I mention that she’s only 3?

The catalyst of this conversation was a K-Mart commercial (we don’t have one locally, but for me, this is enough to draw the line in the sand in not supporting them. Not because it’s necessarily more outrageous or scandalous than a ton of other things out there, but because it’s not necessary.) And I want to cement this moment in my head. To know when I became fully aware and engaged in the battle for my daughter’s heart and identity.

Let me paint the scene for you as it played out today in my living room. I’m sitting behind the couch, in front of the toy cubbies, playing with my one-year-old son (the little prince) when Natalie, who is in front of the couch, finishing the latest episode of Wallykazaam on Nick Jr., says to me, “Mom, you need to go to the beach and take off your clothes and run like they are doing.”

I immediately jump up, thinking ‘what in the world has come on the TV that I have just exposed my child to?!’ What I see is this commercial with 5 or so women running along the beach, stripping off their clothing to bare the bathing suits underneath, all but one in a bikini.  Before I can say anything else, my daughter continues, “And that guy is watching them.” And sure enough, there is a male actor, in a bathing suit himself, watching them run by.

The awful knot in my stomach continues even now as I revisit this.

Here is the first moment in my daughter’s life where laid before her is an example of what is acceptable and approved behavior. Women in less-than-modest apparel running and a guy looking on.

I’ll be honest. As I picked up the remote to turn off the TV, I just didn’t even know where to begin. She’s three! How do you explain and start what will be one of many conversations with her about how her identity is not wrapped up in her appearance, about how she should respect herself enough to pursue modesty and be strong enough in her convictions to be able to look different from others around her?

So I prayed. Nothing super spiritual. More of a “Jesus, what do I do?” prayer as I waded through and combated my own guilt for allowing her to watch the show that led to her being exposed to this. (Enter in the enemy’s tactics against me and all the ‘voices’ I’ve allowed in my head about what I should and shouldn’t allow my kids to do, what constitutes a productive day at home with my kids, etc.)

And He is so faithful. Ever faithful. I tear up even typing this. In my imperfection, He sticks with me and guides me, whether I am making good choices or not, He doesn’t abandon me. I am the first to claim that I don’t really know how to do this parenting thing. It’s intimating and scary and wonderful and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But I have never felt ready. Or prepared. In myself.

But by His grace and faithfulness, along the way, in moments like this, He has shown me that He is there. Each and every step. And that is starting to provide a new sense of security that I have never found in my own planning and preparation attempts.

What commenced this afternoon was a conversation that I pray planted a seed in my daughter’s heart, right besides the many that her daddy and I have planted and watered daily of how beautiful she is, that God has made her so special, that He loves her more than we ever could ever love her with an even greater love, and that she has purpose for her life embedded in her DNA (not that we’ve gotten into specifics on that…but talk about a neat idea for a biology lesson in the future). 

This is such a great example of how the Lord provides what we need when we need it – sometimes just in that moment and not before. You see, it was just yesterday that I was changing my daughter’s clothes and she pointed out her panties, and repeated back to me what her daddy and I have told her before, that no one needs to see her panties. And as she is exploring her logic these days, she then continued to tell me that I could see her panties because I am her mommy and I need to help her get changed and go potty. All of which I confirmed, and it was a substantial enough of a conversation that the Holy Spirit brought it back to mind clearly today.

And so today’s conversation started back there. We talked about how just like mommy and daddy tell her that no one needs to see her panties unless we are helping her change clothes or go potty, that she doesn’t need to wear a swimsuit that looks like underwear.

*I feel the need to place a grace disclaimer here. Whenever I start to write on specific convictions and boundaries, I dread the way that I know it may possibly be received – through a legalistic filter. The bondage of legalism has held me tightly for a long time, and as the Lord has continued to reveal ways that I have allowed rules (and anything or anyone else) to dictate what only He should be allowed to determine, I am grateful to have received some freedom from this struggle. So please know that this is not my heart here – and although I may be hesitant to mention specific convictions as to avoid anyone feeling as though I am placing those bounds on their life, I do feel it’s important for me and my family to determine the boundary lines the Lord has given us, for our specific calling and protection. And so it is with that motive that I share today.

For those of you that don’t have this same conviction about bathing suits and what you deem modest or immodest, please know that I do not pass along judgment – and if I do, I pray the Lord quickly convicts me of that. I believe that the Lord will direct each person as they seek to follow His leadership in this as to what is and isn’t appropriate for them, their family, their calling, and their relationships and sphere of influence. I, in no way, claim to have arrived on any level regarding modesty or any other area, but only try to stay sensitive to the Lord’s leading and voice in all areas of my life as I make imperfect, messy progress. Most days, it’s just messy.

So back to this afternoon’s conversation…
I didn’t know whether or not to even go into the whole “and that guy is watching them” comment. Ugh. I honestly get a sick feeling in my stomach thinking about it. The deceptiveness of lust. The way the enemy distorts the God-given attraction for the opposite sex into something that can be pursued without boundaries and limits and without consequences. I pray that this is something we will also be able to explain plainly to her in the future, and that her daddy can show her by example of how guys should treat her.

Even as I continue to write this, my heart is screaming – really? We are here already?

Yes, I am. We are as a family. I see now that her little mind is starting to interpret and internalize these messages that show her what being a girl is all about. What behavior is acceptable as a woman, a man. And as intimidating of a task as this is, I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to talk to her today about this. And recognize that there are so many more images she sees, words she hears, each and every day that we don’t have conversations about, that I don’t get to hold truth up against and show her if it does or doesn’t stand up to God’s Word and His desires for her.

And so I need to pray hard and consistently for my babies. And learn to trust that in the same way that the Lord so faithfully showed me how to navigate this new conversational territory with Natalie, that He is moving and working on her behalf (thank you, Jesus) as I pray and because He loves her with that Greater love that we talk to her about.

So today has been a doozy. A glimpse of the awesome (in all meanings of the word) honor I have in the roles that the Lord has placed me in – my assigned portion – and that it truly is a beautiful inheritance.

(This was originally written on May 5, 2014, but the post was delayed until the new blog site was ready to launch. I felt so strongly that this was my launch post that I held onto it until the right time. So I apologize for the deceptive time references in this post as opposed to when it was actually shared.)

Sometimes the Lord speaks to me through analogies – visual pictures that play out before me and I seem a deeper meaning in them. My husband laughs at me (and denies that he does) because yes, the Lord has used a one-legged bird, a dog, and a squirrel to speak His truth to me before.

It’s okay. I’m okay with it. Judge if you want. Think I’m crazy. It’s okay. (you’re still reading, so apparently I’m not that whack-o).

This morning, He spoke to me through my daughter. My precious, ADD (not really, um, maybe?) 3 year old.

Here is how the scene unfolded:

I asked her to bring me her bowl on the coffee table. She continues to play with one of the floor toys, with her back to me.

(Normally I would repeat myself,using a less than patient tone, since she did not even acknowledge my request. But for whatever reason this morning, I felt like I should just sit back and watch).

About thirty seconds after asking her (which for this mom waiting on obedience or at least a nod of acknowledgement can seem like a lifetime), she gets up and makes the scenic route to the coffee table. So you can picture this, let me paint the scene.

She is siting about 5 feet away from the coffee table. Instead of standing up and walking straight towards it, She instead gets up, starts heading towards me (when it probably dawns on her for the first time what I have actually requested), and then heads to the coffee table, choosing to go around the way where there are pillows in her path.

Seeing these as obstacles that she must swing over, she puts one hand on the coffee table and one on the couch, and Indiana Jones style swings across the ravine to the other side. She then finally grabs the bowl with the remnants of yogurt, and turns around to the path she just took. I quickly tell her to not even think about it, knowing she is thinking of pouncing over the pillows this time (and my mind envisions bowl, spoon, and child flying in 3 separate directions).

So she turns the other direction, once again the longest route back to me, and precedes in my direction. Once she is at a straight-away, she turns sideways and holds out the bowl towards me, and begins to walk towards me without looking, heading straight towards the gate.

(* the wondrous gate that keeps my children contained so that I can be sane in a house with a 1 year old that wants to climb and conquer everything in his path).

I then have to warn her to watch where she is going and keep her eyes on me, so she doesn’t run smack into the boundary line I’ve placed in the room. (seriously – do you hear the Lord’s truth in this?)

She eventually gets to me, bowl miraculously in one piece (because for some reason this morning I thought it was wise (?) to give her one of our breakable ones instead of the usual plastic ones).

And I am laughing and smiling to myself because this entire time, the Lord is saying to me that she is the same as me.

Usually I would interpret this scene through my faults and what I feel I don’t do well – like not obeying immediately when the Lord directs, and then going about that obedience in my own sweet timing, choosing my route and having Him correct me along the path. (And how revealing that I pass along the disappointed tone to my daughter that I believe the Lord uses with me.)

But recently, He has introduced me to the truth that I don’t have a very firm grasp of His love.
How much He absolutely loves me, adores me, and delights in me.

And that I don’t have a firm grasp on His gentle grace.

This morning, this beautiful, refreshing, life-giving morning, I feel like what I felt for my daughter in those moments was a glimpse of what He feels for me. Smiling. Watching and finding humor in my meandering. And enjoying it when I take joy in the path He has directed me in. In the same way my daughter chose to see her task as an adventure through the living room, He loves it when I see the fun and joy in what He has placed before me. And use my creativity to pursue the tasks that He has put before me.

So instead of viewing the Lord’s response to me as I am – how I, unfortunately, respond impatiently to my children, I need to view the Lord’s response to me as He is, gentle and compassionate and loving. He has no unrealistic expectations of me in which I disappoint Him daily. But He delights in each step I take towards Him and towards the things He has direct me. And He enjoys watching me pursue those things in joy – still guiding and correcting so that I don’t run into the boundary lines He’s placed, but all the time smiling. Because He sees His Son in me, and a daughter that is trying her best to follow Him each day.

Not perfect. But imperfect progress.

love it.

Today I am going to start something new. Something pretty scary and intimidating for me, but something that I believe the Lord has been preparing me for and leading to for quite some time.

I’m not exactly ready to put it out there, but I do plan to share eventually.  But for now, I just wanted to share some of the struggle and process that this has led to recently.

For one, I’ve realized that when I have nervous energy, I clean.

So right now, my house is cleaner and tidier than it has ever been. (At least one of my coping mechanisms is somewhat productive, right? My husband may be encouraging me to step out of my comfort zone more often, for the sake of our home).

I’ve also been reminded of two, how easy it would be to succumb to emotions that contradict what the Lord has been saying to me through His Word and through the Holy Spirit in prayer.

Oh, how I have to be guarded against my own heart!

I am so thankful for accountability – trusted friends in my life that have journeyed with me, so that they can remind me and by my guidepost of sorts, to confirm that this is indeed the way that I should go.

Do you have that? Do you have someone in your life that you trust enough to let in? That can help point you back to the last thing the Lord spoke to you when you haven’t heard anything lately or when opposition sets in?

If not, I hope that you will pray and ask God for it. It is a true gift from God.

Three, I’ve also discovered that I am pretty darn good at coming up with pretty valid reasons as to why I should stay exactly where I am right now. I probably should have looked into law school. I can argue with myself with the best of them.

If it wasn’t for this annoying little fact that I know, I know, that this is where the Lord is leading. And so despite my best effort, my best defense doesn’t stand against the Lord.

And I am thankful for that. Thankful that  I have had a similar encounter with the Lord to say, like Peter, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:68) To proceed without the Lord, well it would be pointless. All else would be fruitless. (John 15:5)

Four, I have been reminded of the importance and power of obedience., of agreeing with God and then going with Him.

Going with the God that loves me (loves us), immensely, has my best in mind, and has the power to do through me whatever He calls me to.

He has already freed me – but I have to choose to walk with Him out of the prison cell.

And sometimes that looks like work. Scary, intimidating steps. But He’s with me.

So – I’m making little ebenezers to further hold me accountable and remind me of what the Lord is doing, when I face more opposition and doubting and want to turn back. Like this post.

(*An ebenezer is seem in scripture when Samuel, after receiving victory in battle, set up a monument of stone, literally meaning “Stone of Help” to remind him of God’s help.. Today, it can be anything that reminds you of God’s very real presence and help (a scripture posted in your home, a bracelet you wear that reminds you of something the Lord has spoken to or done in your life, etc.)

So, here is to stepping out in obedience in a scary, new, fun, exciting and challenging direction the Lord is leading. He promises to equip (Philippians 2:13) and to complete what He has started (Phil 1:6).

“One small step for man, one giant leap…”

It may just be one ‘small’ step, but obedience leads to more freedom, and that is a game-changer.
A life-changer.

One more way that I’m stepping into the abundant life that the Lord has promised me.

“…I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” -John 10:10