I have a hard time receiving compliments.  Do you?

I am sure there are many reasons as to why, but one I am well acquainted with is this one:
I know myself. I know my faults and how I fall short.

SO, I believe that if someone says something positive about me in an area I see as really lacking, well, then ultimately they do not really know me. If they did, well, it would be a different story.
Like someone telling me I am a good mama. Well, they don’t know that I yelled at my kids today.  So, surely if they knew that (fill in the blank), they wouldn’t have offered the sentiment.
As though having weaknesses and faults means I am forever disqualified from being enough.

What a huge conflict and contradiction of the gospel of grace (!) which says that in my weaknesses, I am strong because Christ’s power is then perfected in me!
That it is not about me never messing up with my kids that makes me a good parent, but that when I do mess up, I ask for forgiveness. That I agree with God that I screwed up and ask for wisdom on how to do things differently in the future. That I own the ways I have fallen short in any given situation and lay them bear before the Lord.

That instead of trying to allow perfectionism to try to make me great, I allow Christ to be greater in me.
Bigger than my attempts to be enough on my own.
More real than my distorted perspective that says it’s up to me to fix myself first.
That He gets more access in my life because I surrender my feeble attempts to Him and even learn how to choose to boast, as Paul did, in the very weaknesses that give me an opportunity to see God’s power at work. (1 Corinthians 12:9-11)

Who knew it would take years for me to start to see the truth of that passage.
And then years more for it to really start changing how I view things.

I am so thankful for the way that the Lord continually pursues me and is committed to His truth becoming my own.

So, my struggle with accepting compliments that I mentioned above has started to change. I will spare you the gory details of how the Lord has been addressing my perfectionism, self-worth, etc.

But in this, what I do want to share, is that I am learning to receive the truth that there are some really valuable things about me because I am His creation and His handiwork.
Where perfectionism has tempted me to either deny my weaknesses as if they didn’t exist by just doubling my striving to overcome them or to go the opposite direction, to wallow in my short-comings and bath in guilt and shame, now God’s truth is showing me a new way.
God’s truth says that I do have weaknesses – it addresses the awful elephant in the room that I want to avoid so badly -but it doesn’t stop there.
God’s truth explains that I am not as He ultimately intended me to be because of Fall, because of sin, but He still authored my frame.
And He promises to not forsake the work of His hands.
And ultimately it is not about me being great so that people see me – that was never the point,
but about people seeing His great work in me and seeing Him.

I was inspired to write this because of a picture I saw of my friend, possessing the expression I have so often seen when she looks at her people.
She is a fierce mama of her two boys. She will fight any battle to ensure that they are known and seen for who God created them to be, not whatever mold is acceptable or preferred by others.
I believe she will have a hard time receiving this truth, that she is a great mama. Maybe not.
But I bet she sees the filmstrip of replayed moments in her mind, times she has lost her temper or made choices she doesn’t agree with now. But that doesn’t change what makes her a great mama.
She loves those boys because she loves God, and He has given her what she needs for them, to be their protector and advocate, their disciplinarian and biggest fan. And one day, one of their closest friends.
He has given her what she needs to be a great parent, because she has allowed Him to be great in her.

What do you have a hard time believing about yourself?
What has God spoken over you about it?

Gideon didn’t recognize the title by which God addressed him, a mighty warrior, but God knew that with Him, that is what Gideon was going to become.
Peter didn’t understand in the moment that Jesus was calling him the rock on which He would build His church, that Peter was about to do what he would have considered the unthinkable – betray Jesus so quickly and repeatedly.
But Jesus knew that Peter needed a glimpse of the bigger picture so that after Peter’s pride was crushed, his identity would then be built on the truth of what God was going to do in and through Him.

Peter’s actions, and so often my own, tempt me to define myself according to my accomplishments or failures, to say I am worthy of love because of this, or I will never be acceptable because of that.
It is an estimation of myself that doesn’t and will never make sense because the equation leaves God out.  I was given my identity, my value-packed completely accepted and loved and adored and sufficient identity, before I ever took my first breath.

So a truth that I need to be continually reminded of pretty much every single day is this:
My identity is not up for question or debate.
I have a choice in what defines me, and I choose Jesus.
Only in Him can I be defined as free, forgiven, absolutely and unconditionally loved, a conqueror, strong in my weaknesses, equipped, sufficient, competent, and bold in my vulnerability.
Why in the world would I choose another definition?

Thanks for letting me share.

“When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me”

–Before The Throne of God Above
Shane & Shane

“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.” – Psalm 139:13

It’s really amazing to think about how detail-oriented God is. What little bit I know of the wonder of DNA, it boggles my mind to think of how much goes into just one person, one living body.

Being someone that notices and appreciates details, it’s neat to think that my God is also like this, that He intricately designs what He creates. He is not careless nor does He work haphazardly. The words precision and care and intention come to mind.

“Thus says God, the Lord, Who created the heavens and stretched them out, Who spread out the earth and what comes from it, Who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it:” – Isaiah 42:5

But God also sees the big picture. He created it all. He is a God of vision and able to orchestrate trillions and trillions of events at the same time. He is the ultimate Multi-Tasker and Vision Caster.  He composes and conducts with competence and a capacity that is unfathomable.

As His creation, we tend to have one of these two strengths or bents. We can usually either more easily see the picture as a whole, or we are ones that focus on a few specific details, not as quick to see what the combination of the details reveals.

But not our God. He doesn’t lose sight of His bigger plan when He looks at our individual lives. He also doesn’t lose sight of me, of you, when He looks at His bigger plan. He weaves the two beautifully together, allowing us the opportunity to participate in what He is doing all the while completing what He has started in each of us personally (see Philippians 1:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).

Isaiah, after reciting God’s previous accomplishments in creating the universe, goes on to say in chapter 42, verse 6, “I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you;”

He is faithful to His creation, His plan, and His purposes. He calls us to Himself, redeems us through Jesus’ sacrifice and resurrection, and then He empowers us through His Holy Spirit to join Him in what He desires to complete, the redemption of His creation.

He loves us and it’s not about us. Please note the importance of the word “and” here. I used to say “He loves me, but it’s not about me,” as though His plans somehow took away from His love for me. That I was important, but not as important as what He wanted to accomplish. But I think that subtle difference between ‘and’ and ‘but’ make a world of difference. It’s like saying if God truly loves me and wants my best, then something has to be compromised in His ultimate plan. Or vice versa. But God is not a God of scarcity. He doesn’t miss something happening in His creation when He is tending to me, and He doesn’t neglect me when He is tending to someone else. I don’t believe it has to be one or the other. I believe that God completely loves us and that He has a much bigger plan to accomplish than we will ever fully grasp. And because He loves us so much, we are invited into the story. We can help progress the plot line. But my pride has to take a backseat, because ultimately I am not the point of it all, and my soul can breathe a sigh of relief that ultimately He will accomplish His purposes regardless of me, my inadequacies, and my imperfection.

 

Last year I prayed and asked the Lord to give me a word or phrase that could help bring my mind and heart into focus.  And He responded. Embrace was very significant in the way the Lord was moving last year, and honestly I think it will continue. He has already been showing more of how to step into the idea of embracing and being ‘in’ my life more and more, and I am so thankful for that.

And in an amazing way, the word that I have sensed the Lord speaking for 2015 has everything to do with bringing to fruition what He has started and is continuing in my life.

Fulfill
1. to carry out, or bring to realization, as a prophecy or promise.
2. to perform or do, as duty; obey or follow, as commands.
3. to satisfy (requirements, obligations, etc.): a book that fulfills a long-felt need.
4. to bring to an end; finish or complete, as a period of time: He felt that life was over when one had fulfilled his threescore years and ten.
5. to develop the full potential of (usually used reflexively)

I have felt that this term, for as much as I believe the Lord has shown me so far, has two parts, His and mine. I guess as with anything, there is a sense of partnership and response that is called for on my end, but more than anything, I am reminded that the Lord IS the One that does the thing. He just does.

I found a timely quote a couple of days ago that really summed it up for me:

“God initiates EVERYTHING. He creates from nothing. He pursues man. He calls. He chooses. He saves. He enlarges hearts. He opens eyes. He brings dead things to life. He speaks things that aren’t as if they were.” -Shane Barnard

He is the Author and Perfecter.

So, here is what I’m sensing the Lord showing me so far.

God’s Part: That He is going to do what He has planned to do in my life, and more specifically, that He will bring to completion the plans He has for this season of my life. (Not that this is any new revelation of information, but I just can sense an invitation to peer more closely, to ask for eyes to see and ears to hear Him, that I won’t miss what He is wanting to do this year.) I believe that this calls for a greater sense of expectancy, faith, trust, and confidence in His promises on my part. All of which are still pretty much His work and what He puts in my heart as I surrender to Him.

My Part: That I will obey, step into the things that the Lord has directed my hands, my mind, and my heart to, that I would not back away in fear or procrastinate due to perfectionism, and that I will take action. The word initiative has been resonating with me for a while now, and so I am asking that the Lord would produce a trust in me for what He has spoken, that this faith would produce initiative, and that I would step out and into the things He reveals, knowing He will direct my steps and connect me to the people and places as He orchestrates.

A couple practical steps so far:

(1) We are starting what we are affectionately calling our “soft run” at homeschooling this spring. January 5th was our first Monday morning of 4K with the Sweetness. The main goals for this ‘semester’ are to step into a more structured schedule (look at me, don’t I sound so teacher-y already), allowing that to become more routine and practiced. I also have had a lot of hesitations in implementing pretty much anything because of a lot of unknowns – like what to do with the almost 2 yr old crazy busy boy while we’re trying to focus on school. But the Lord has more than confirmed that I just need to ‘get in it’ and wrestle with it, and we’ll figure it out as we go along. I am reminded of His sweet whisper to me as I first sensed Him stirring my heart towards homeschooling, that He would equip me along the journey, not before.

(1b) So you may be thinking, big deal. “What’s the issue, dear?” (Insert female troll voice from Frozen) Well, the issue is that this requires that I drastically change my sleeping schedule. Dun Dun Dunnnn. Sayonara, night owl nature that loves late night, non-interrupted-by-littles-tv shows with food I don’t have to share.

Really, I kid. It’s been fine. The Lord has been so faithful to give me an increasing desire to do the things that He has laid before me, and His goodness really has been so tangible. It’s definitely still a transition process, and not one I can come close to bragging about, but we’re moving in the right direction.

(2) The hubs and I have also sensed the Lord stirring in us a calling for our community more than ever. It started last fall, when the Lord chose to speak through Jen Hatmaker’s Interrupted. I knew while I was reading it that I was now being called to make a very practical response, that I was now accountable to the knowledge I was receiving . (If I haven’t already scared you off, it’s a great read! I highly recommend -funny and moving.) We’ve been praying and asking the Lord for His guidance, and we have witnessed Him changing our hearts and our responses to things and events in ways that are not natural to us. It is Him, and we are thankful to see Him in this capacity.

So we are excited to get more involved in the Hampton Village and see more of what the Lord desires to do in and around us. (Villages are what our church, Momentum, calls the people that live in the same zip-code who are ‘Christ-followers establishing roots in their community and intentionally living out the Gospel in compelling ways.’) And so we’re going to start taking the initiative and get our hands messy, and see where the Spirit leads.

As if this wasn’t enough to honestly occupy me for the whole year, I’m almost positive that there will be more. There will be ways that I need to step more into my greatest ministry role I will ever play, being a wife to one incredible man. There are amazing promises that God desires to fulfill in my marriage, and I want to fully receive whatever He has for me in that, and in any area of my life. Amen? Don’t you?

Because although I feel that this was my personal word for this year, it’s not like His promises are just for me. There are a-mazing things He wants to do in your life as well. Will you be open to receive them?

Which leads me to the last practical step, which concerns my heart.

(3) Fulfillment requires a level of acceptance on my part. Openness. Receptivity.

Acceptance, as in contentment.
Acceptance of correction and discipline.
Acceptance of the new, the unexplained, the whys the Lord chooses not to reveal.

And sometimes to be filled to the full may require moving some things around or even out in order to fill me with something new. Better.

So I have lots of chew on. But I’m excited! The Lord has been so evident.

What about you? Has the Lord given you a word or phrase this year in which He wants to frame His work? A peephole into what He’s up to around you, and in you? I’d love to hear it!

Thanks for letting me share!

“Your Promises” Elevation Worship