A Few New Steps

So now arise, go over this Jordan, you and all this people, into the land which I am giving to them, the Israelites. Every place upon which the sole of your foot shall tread, that have I given to you, as I promised Moses. 
 As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you.
Be strong (confident) and of good courage, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land which I swore to their fathers to give them.” -Joshua 1:2-3, 5-6

nature-wallpapers-grass-wallpaper-field-widewallpaper-landscapes-nature-wallpaper-40960

When the Lord first called me home fulltime, He would often speak to me through passage concerning the Isrealites and His leading them into the Promised Land. He impressed on my heart that this new terrority for me was where I would find His abundance for my life and the lives of my people (living in the Harwood Household). I appreciate His compassion, as I could so relate to the fear that the Isrealites expressed, their quickness to forget the ways He has moved so mightly on their behalf, and ultimately their shortsidedness in God’s overall plan. Because I had my plans, my dreams, and some pretty definite ideas of how that was going to look in my life. And this was not it.

Almost two years later, the Lord has proven Himself faithful in my life. He didn’t have to give me more proof, but in His goodness and grace, He has given us abundance in the form of joy and peace and freedom. He has pursued my daughter’s heart and revealed Himself to her in very personal ways, and she has decided to be baptized tomorrow! I’m so, so excited for her and this step of obedience that she is taking. Since she accepted Jesus as her Savior several months ago, she has been scared of this (she hates to even get water in her face while we’re washing her hair), and has said it was something she would do later, like when she is 10. But the Holy Spirit has been at work, and over conversations and encouragement, she decided that she was ready!

As the Lord has been speaking to me about the work that He desires to fulfill in my life, it is so awesome to have my eyes more readily recognize His work and fulfillment in the lives of my people as well. He is so faithful, and He will do it.

Overall, the past two years have not been easy, and most days are still very much a battle of walking into new terrain that needs to be hacked of weeds and overgrowth, land still containing personal enemies (pride, comparison, fear, laziness – just to name a few), and overall just full of work.

But He has been there for each step.

And so now we’re taking another few new steps deeper into our beautiful inheritance. One being that we have decided to start being more intentional with Peter-man concerning school and include him on on some more structured curriculum activities, aka learning opportunities that consist more of Leapfrog videos, puzzles, and free-play.

Since January, school has mainly consisted of the Sweetness and me sitting down for a couple of hours while Peter enjoys independent time in the living room. While there has been a lot of benefits to that for both, the hubs and I decided that it was time for Peter to start getting more involved in some hands-on activities. We see how much he is learning from his sister already, so we really feel like he will benefit from watching her more closely. Not to mention that it’s a great opportunity for both of them to learn how to work together, take turns, for Natalie to take a more appropriate approach in teaching her little brother (instead of trying to step in the mother role with him), and for all of us to rely more on the Holy Spirit to cultivate His fruit in our lives as we live and play so closely together. Lord knows I need more patience and joy and gentleness, etc., etc.

Another new area is this – blogging about specifics regarding homeschooling. I have chosen to become a blog ambassador for Mother Goose Time, a super cute curriculum that we felt would be an easy way to get our feet wet with doing school with both kiddos. And so that is going to consist of me blogging more regularly in general, but also getting into the details of our homeschool world.

As much as I have enjoyed being able to share my personal journey with how the Lord has led me and our family to homeschooling on this blog, I have been really timid and honestly hesitant to share specifics. It has not been that long since I was extremely intimidated by the idea of homeschooling. I can very easily remember how reading posts from other homeschoolers could foster that fear and anxiety in me, and because I didn’t have a clear concept of what this was gonna look like for us, it was VERY easy to see what the Lord was shaping in someone else’s life and feel like that is what ours needed to look like, too. So why in the world would I add to what is already a million other homeschool blogs and posts that I was honestly trying to avoid myself?

Well, because the Lord has led me here. Because He reminded me that He desires to do a work in me and through me that doesn’t look like anyone else’s. And so I have to trust Him with that.

67ee3fd68e66477277bf1d3c6c38253a

I haven’t wanted to share specifics because I don’t want to fall into the comparison trap personally, or for my blog to become a trap for others. So, although I will be sharing some posts about specific daily activities that we’re doing, my hope and prayer is that this place will be about showing you what the Lord has been doing in our lives, and about what He can do in any life just a little bit surrendered to Him.

A beautiful inheritance is not about Jenny trying to create this amazing life, although my pride would like to pursue that, but about the journey that the Lord is leading me on to more freedom and joy and peace – so often in ways that I would not choose for myself, in opposite directions than I would anticipate – but always towards His abundance that truly is my inheritance.

I also hope it will be a place where you can get a breath of fresh air, seeing our imperfections and how grace is what carries us through our days, that my obvious lack of training and experience (of life) will always show that it’s the Lord’s work.

I also hope it’s a place where we can celebrate the victories in our lives (not just my people, but yours if you will share those with me) – homeschool related or not. We all have areas where we are stepping into new territory, ground that doesn’t seem to fit our set of strengths and abilities, and where the Lord is calling us to rely more fully on Him. I want to hear those stories, and let the details just become more evidence of His hand at work, not the focus or what we’re trying to achieve, turning into petty stones that we trip over, but stones on which He is building a great work in our lives and His overall redemption story. 

So, we’ll see where these next few steps take us.

“Only you be strong and very courageous, that you may do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you. Turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go. This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success. Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:7-9

Prayers for my kids

Prayer

 

 

I wrote the post below last summer, choosing to keep it as a personal prayer for me instead of a public post. However, as I read over it again today, I am overjoyed with how the Lord has already begun to reveal Himself through His Spirit-inspired prayer for my family, and so I wanted to share as a statement of gratitude and rejoicing in the things He has done.

Since praying this, my sweet Natalie has accepted Jesus as her personal Savior, and evidence of His movement in her life has been amazing. And so I will continue to pray these things in faith, knowing that the Lord desires and delights to accomplish these things- calling my sweet Peter to Himself and continuing to change and orchestrate our lives in whatever crazy ways will reveal Him most.

Just this morning I was telling my husband how amazing it is that I absolutely LOVE being at home with my kids full-time. What was once a daunting, intimidating task (not to say that it isn’t still some days) has become one of my greatest joys and I have discovered new passions I didn’t know were there. The Lord continues to rock my world, confirming that He knows my heart so much better than I do.

So below is something I believe the Holy Spirit inspired me to write for my family, and I encourage you to find out what specifics He wants you to be asking Him for. God is the Giver of Good Gifts, and He will direct our hearts to His heart if we ask Him to. So we are just joining in and agreeing with Him for the things that He desires to do in our hearts and in our lives. It’s pretty incredible! His goodness amazes me.

“Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and Your dominion endures throughout all generations. The Lord is faithful in all His words and kind in all His works.” -Psalm 145:13


June 2, 2014
In one of those rare, quiet and still moments, I am watching from another room both my kids nibble on pieces of loaf bread. And in my heart, I am praying that they will hunger for real Bread. That I will be able to sit back and watch them feast on God’s Word and hunger for His Truth. That I will get to watch as they get acquainted more and more with God, and then one glorious day, choose to believe that they need Him as Savior and Lord.

Lord, I pray that You would call my babies to Yourself. That you would give them ears to hear Your voice, and hearts that are receptive to Your truth. Faith comes from hearing, and hearing from the Word. Impress on my heart the importance and urgency of speaking Your Word to them every single day. Give me wisdom and fluency. Fill up my lack and do what is needed in me to overflow to them. Thank You for choosing me to be their mother. Give me courage to embrace this role and step into the authority that You have given me to guide them into Your Truth. Let them see me pursuing Your heart, being more concerned with knowing You than knowing about You. Show me how to abide and to know Your love that it can’t help but overflow to them. Your Word says that people will know us by our love. Help me to love them in such a way that they can’t help but know You in the process.

Thank You for the promise that it is You that works in me to will and to act according to Your good purpose. Show me Your plans for them and how to foster those plans, to support and encourage them to step into all that You have for them. Thank You for the truth that I can cling to that You are my competence and that I don’t have to rely on my own skills or abilities for this daunting task, but that You will equip me for everything that is needed through Your Spirit. Thank You that You are faithful to finish what You have started in me, that You will not leave me or forsake me. Thank You that You my ever-present help in times of trouble (and frustration and depression and anxiety and just being plain ole tired). Thank You that You are El Elyon, the Most High God, and that You are above every fear and obstacle and circumstance that claims it will keep me from the things that You are calling me to do, and You will see me through them. Thank You that You are my Hope that does not disappoint. Help me to fix my eyes on You and to run this race with endurance, giving me the wisdom to avoid the things that do not matter and the strength to throw off the sin that so easily entangles. Protect me from distractions that call me away from You and my family. Give me discernment to stay in turn with Your Holy Spirit, sensitive and connected. Remind me of the necessity of putting on the armor that You have given, so that I may stand firm in You against any attempts of the evil one. And then help me to stand firm, knowing that this is the most important work that I will ever be called to, and let me give myself fully to it, holding nothing back.

Thank You for changing my heart, and all the ways You will continue to change my heart. Thank You for awaken me to the ways that I have been misguided and deceived, and please continue to wake me up to Your truth and Your kingdom. You have been so faithful. Help me to cling to the ways that You have revealed Yourself faithful so that in moments of doubt, I still come to You. Transform our family for Your glory and Your purposes. I acknowledge, despite my deceitful heart, that You are the greatest treasure we can pursue. Help us to spend our lives doing that.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Organic Freedom

“Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord, O my soul!
I will praise the Lord as long as I live;
I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

Put not your trust in princes,
in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.
When his breath departs, he returns to the earth;
on that very day his plans perish.

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the Lord his God,
who made heaven and earth,
the sea, and all that is in them,
who keeps faith forever;
who executes justice for the oppressed,
who gives food to the hungry.

The Lord sets the prisoners free;
the Lord opens the eyes of the blind.
The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down;
the Lord loves the righteous.
The Lord watches over the sojourners;
he upholds the widow and the fatherless,
but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.

The Lord will reign forever,
your God, O Zion, to all generations.
Praise the Lord!”
-Psalm 146

I was hesitant to post the following. For one, it is real. Really real. Scary vulnerable territory for me. But more than that, it seems so much ‘about me.’ At least on the surface. I felt it was something I should write because it was true, and I felt the need to record it – to acknowledge that it was happening and real. If for no one else but me. To keep in my journal.

But as I sat down to write, it became clear that it was coming just like so many other posts, posts I believe that the Lord inspires me to write out and wrestle with and proclaim in my own little way. So this was from Him, too.  And about Him. The post below is about what only the Lord can author in my life. And so I hope it’s with that in mind that you will read the following. This is my way of proclaiming what the Lord has been doing in me, and what He will continue to do, because He is faithful. My only response is humble gratitude, and a willingness to share what has been a crazy hard and freeing experience for me. He is the one that sets prisoners free, that brings sight to blind eyes, and I will sing of the Lord as long as I live.

—–

My freedom has come in inconspicuous ways.

This has come after a season of some hard heart-work the Lord has called me to – seeking freedom from some things that have held me back for a long time now. Most of which I was unaware of until I started the process. Funny how denial can be so convincing, deception so effective.  But I took the first step, admitted that the junk in my heart was real (see some of my previous posts like this), and so we started this crazy recovery journey last April.

I first noticed I was singing more loudly in the car, by myself. Haha. I guess that is indicative of how shy I can be. Hard time being me with just me. Even alone I have been hindered to express myself.

I also noticed I was looking more people in the eye, aware of them more than myself. I started laughing and speaking up in settings where I would normally be restrained by insecurity and awareness of others. I started asking questions where once I would sit in silence, afraid I was the only one that didn’t understand. Now I ask questions because I want to know more than I want others to see me a certain way. I have started seeing bolder actions and responses in almost every area of my life.

I am pretty sure from the outside nothing really looks different. On their own, each instance listed above doesn’t amount to much. But together, I have started to recognize the Lord’s handiwork and it is refreshing. There is glorious freedom sprouting in me, and I can’t wait for it to take full bloom.

I didn’t know until I tasted this freedom how enslaved I have been, and still am in so many ways. But I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good in new ways. And that has changed me. I know there is more now. I can’t go back, as much as my flesh desires to drag me back to the old places. But what the Lord brings to life can’t be hidden among the dead for long.

Because His life produces life.

Maybe that is the indicator of true life and freedom-it changes what it surrounds. Life produces life.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17

The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you – they are full of the Spirit and life.John 6:63

The roots go down deep in the decaying soil and break it up. Slowly nutrients are transferred and what once could only offer death now can foster life. He makes it new.

The trick is that this is happening beneath the surface. There is no apparent indicator for a long time that something has shifted, that the very nature of what has been touched has been changed. Winds of condemnation and doubt will still blow above the surface, taunting me to believe that nothing is happening, that nothing is different. But as truth is continually planted, it takes root in a place now capable of receiving it, a heart now alive to grow the fruit.

Faith gives the heart vision to see the promise before it breaks through the ground and Hope sustains the heart until the promise is fulfilled.

The first stem pops out – the lifting of my arms in worship, alone in my car.

The stem continues to press through the soil, no longer being able to be contained only underground – my public worship now has freedom of expression.

The first leaves unfold – I can now speak up where I was once imprisoned in silence and insecurity. I now take thoughts captive that used to control me, replacing them with new truth.

A bud appears – I have made a choice to say no to what used to compel and control me.

The bud opens, petals unfurling – the very words that I speak now are evidence of the new truth in my mind and heart, paving new paths for me to walk.

Eventually the bloom will be in full force and the pollen it produces will inspire and motivate others. The Lord will speak His words and they will not come back void, but will achieve the purpose it was set out to accomplish (Isaiah 55:11).

The whole process is organic. I didn’t bring myself to life, or cause the growth, nor can I produce the fruit. It was Him and will continue to be Him. The lie that defined my old life was that I could, and so I attempted to bring a dead girl to life in a cemetery.

Only God can speak life, breathe life into me. All I can do is inhale. And then keep breathing Him in. Exhaling the lies, the bondage, the death and decay. Breathing in His life and joy and peace and love.

Freedom came in inconspicuous ways. As a baby born in a manger, a toddler to a carpenter, a young man in a temple speaking with authority.
Truth always has authority, whether recognized or not.

Jesus Christ, God’s Word, became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:14). He lived in obedience to God and accomplished what He was sent to do (John 4:34, Philippians 2:8), to set the prisoners free (Luke 4:14-21, Isaiah 53:5, 1 Peter 2:23-24). That freedom came in surrender to the cross, and the same freedom still comes in surrendering to the cross -giving up the attempt to bring a dead girl back to life and giving over my death for His life.

Lord, please give me eyes to see the ways You work in and around my life. Help me to see the ways You so humbly move, often choosing obscurity when You are worthy of all praise and attention and adoration. I pray that You would no longer be obscure in me, but apparent. That Your life would speak through me, Your freedom evident in me, for Your Name’s sake and glory. The dead cannot praise You. (Isaiah 38:18) Bring more light to my eyes and life to my heart that it can’t help but proclaim Your Name. In Your goodness, use my life for Your plans.
In the Name that is above all Names I boldly approach Your throne, accepted and loved and adored by You because of Your Son’s sacrifice. Amen.

 

Ever Be – Bethel Music

Psalm34.1-2