Why We Homeschool

It was a little over a year ago, in June 2015, that I sensed the Lord confirm that our family was to commit to the idea of homeschooling. I’m sure some of you can relate – when the Lord is speaking and you have some resistance in your heart, whether due to fear or unbelief or just plain ‘ole not wanting to hear it. Well, my resistance had been fear – extreme fear. Palms-sweating-anytime-I-thought-about-it fear. But it was to the point that any church worship service, any sermon I listened to at home, any devotion that I read was all through the filter of homeschooling and surrender. It’s pretty hard to deny when the Lord surrounds you.

So, in a moment of His grace, I finally surrendered to the idea of following Him through this journey, knowing that I couldn’t do it. There was no way. But His Word says that He can, and so I was stepping out in faith to trust that He was not going to abandon me in the middle of the ocean of homeschool.
This happened on a Sunday morning. The next day, I woke up and most of the fear was lifted. It was amazing. The first of my own little personal miracles I have experienced since committing/surrendering to this path. My palms stopped sweating anytime I thought or spoke about it. I was still nervous, and still am some days, but it was not paralyzing anymore. That is what the Lord can do to fear – take away it’s power!

One of the ways that my husband and I sensed the Lord’s direction in homeschooling came through a couple reoccurring messages about the passage in Joshua 4, where Joshua is commanded to cross over the Jordan into the promised land, leading the remnant of the Isrealites that were left after their parents’ unwillingness to believe the God’s promises to take possession of the Promised Land 40 years prior. They were finally being led back into God’s Promises, and so they set out on dry land, just like Moses’ and their parents crossed the Red Sea years before. God was doing it again, what only He can. After everyone had crossed over the Jordan, the Lord commanded Joshua to take stones from the center of the dry sea bed, and bring them to the other side to build a memorial.

Joshua 4:2-7
“Take twelve stones from here out of the midst of the Jordan, from the very place where the priests’ feet stood firmly, and bring them over with you and lay them down in the place where you lodge tonight.’” 4 Then Joshua called the twelve men from the people of Israel, whom he had appointed, a man from each tribe. 5 And Joshua said to them, “Pass on before the ark of the Lord your God into the midst of the Jordan, and take up each of you a stone upon his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the people of Israel, 6 that this may be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ 7 then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it passed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever.”

I love this story, I love the symbolism of the memorial stones and how God is so intentional to provide for our weaknesses. Despite the miraculous display of parting the waters and leading them safely across – as if that wasn’t enough! – He then calls them to do something in order to remember His faithfulness in it. He knows they will forget, that they will doubt, that they will call into question His power and faithfulness, provision and care for them. And so He provides even in this, a powerful reminder that will call to mind all the ways that He has moved on their behalf in the past. And because He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, to remember that same faithfulness is present with them in each day.

So the hubs and I sensed the Lord telling us that just like these forgetful, unfaithful, HUMAN Isrealites, we needed our own memorial stones. We needed to write down, keep, and revisit all the reasons that we felt the Lord impressing on our heart as to why this journey was for our family.

—Personal Disclaimer
And I want to take a minute here to emphasize our family. I don’t personally believe that God calls every family to homeschool. I believe, in His Omniscience, that He knows what each family needs, according to the plans and purposes that He has for us to step into.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:10

He knows, for whatever crazy reason (because honestly it feels a little crazy some days), He knows that this is what our family needs. And as I walk in, I can begin to see some of the million reasons for it. I can see how the Lord is using this journey to draw me more to Himself, to remind me of my utter need for Him and to keep me dependent on Him, and to reveal more of the sinfulness in my heart that He desires to root out and transform. I could go on and on…

So, whatever the specifics for you – because they will be and should be different from anyone else due to your unique calling in Christ – I think the general principles still apply. The Lord will lead us along paths that require our dependence on Him, that we will not be able to handle on our own if we are daring to live faith-filled lives, and that will constantly expose our weaknesses and sinfulness and need for a Savior. That’s how He reminds us that we are His, that He is enough, and reveals Himself to the outside world as the Capable One. Not Jenny, not ever Jenny.
—-End of Disclaimer

So our family set about starting this list of ‘memorial stones’ that we will revisit often and run to on hard days to remind us that this is in fact that way the Lord has set out for us.

For now, I will refrain from sharing. These are personal reasons, reasons that I desire to hold close to my heart for this season and allow the Lord to really allow to become part of its heartbeat. And I would never want my stones to become a stumbling block for anyone else, because it’s not about my reasons or what the Lord has spoken to me. It’s about your reasons and how the Lord confirms for your path. And so I encourage you – whether it’s through a mission statement or a little informal scrap of paper, to jot down some things you know the Lord has confirmed for you and your loved ones. Hold it tight. Let it become part of your heart, so that it flows out into your story.

But I am choosing today to share some of the amazing benefits I’ve seen so far along this journey, and to acknowledge the ways the Lord has so faithfully revealed His goodness and His ability to change my heart.

You know how I mentioned that almost immediately my fear subsided after surrendering to the Lord’s path for our family? Well, just 6 months later, where once was fear and extreme anxiety, was not excitement and anticipation for homeschooling! Again, a personal miracle for me. And when we started in January ’15 with our little baby steps into schedules and structure, I discovered that I love it. Something that I wouldn’t have touched with a ten-foot pole and probably the offer of a lot of money I know delight in and look forward to. Only God, people. Amazing.

So here are  a little of the fun things I’ve discovered so far.

These two – It’s my prayer that as they live day in and day out together that the Lord will build an amazing friendship and support system in each other. I pray that they learn to encourage and sharpen and care for each other.

I had never made the connection between homeschooling and how my obsession with school supplies would collide! I love all this cutesy, fun, creative curriculum that we get to use, and it encourages me to think outside the box as well.

11188265_10204467808474868_2411642817823587011_nI would have NEVER believed, if you had told me that the first week into homeschooling both littles, that I would have allowed tubs for sand and dirt into my kitchen! But what I have seen, as I have watched them both be excited and inspired by learning through play, that it has inspired and excited me. And I am now okay with messiness, in doses. 🙂 This is a personal miracle for me, as a recovering perfectionist who enjoys specific things having specific places – none of which accommodated sand before!

13525_10204467846435817_242170804090107025_nI have been given the gift of time, time to witness my daughter’s wonder of God’s creation and the ways that He has given her a deep appreciation for it. She inspires me every day. Sincerely. She loves and enjoys life in ways I don’t think I ever have, and it is changing me to see the Lord’s handiwork in her. I am thankful for the time I have with her, to see her grow into the little girl the Lord is shaping her to be, to Lord willing the woman continue to chase after His heart with the passion and adventurousness I see in her now.

11351365_10204623214599924_5769062961653524113_nI have gotten to see before my eyes how this little one is changing and developing. I have seen the ways that he plays change and evolve as he has watched his older ‘sissy’ creating in her special creative ways. I have been amazed to see the potential that God packs into kids, and how quickly it starts to come out at such young ages. And like I mentioned above, I am so grateful for the time that I get to witness this little man learn and grow. I know that God has amazing things for this one and am thankful to get to watch the Lord’s work unfold.

1508517_10204370939333200_4567031295735826299_n(1)This was a fun little study we did on the Fruit of the Spirit, something that just flowed naturally out of some other things we had going on and was just one example of how the Lord has directed our steps to what He wants to be speaking to our hearts in this season. It’s been neat to see how the Lord ministers to our family, and I believe all families, holistically – that the devotion we read with the kids isn’t meant just for the kids. He has a way of relating a toddler’s devotional about self-control to my adult-sized issues with allowing emotions to dictate too many of my decisions, and reminds me that His Word is for all peoples in all stages and seasons and ages. And it just so happens that my daughter tends to take after my emotional tendencies (insert sarcastic “yay!”), so as the Lord is showing me how He can change my heart, mind, and behaviors, He is also at the same time equipping me to help her to walk in freedom from emotional chains. Although I would choose for Him to perfect me before the kiddos arrived so that I could perfectly offer them Jesus, He chooses in His grace and wisdom to continue to refine me through the process of parenting, and that imperfectly pointing them to Jesus is His plan.

ballon-freedomThe above picture isn’t mine, but I felt it captured this last thought I wanted to share. It came up when I imaged searched “Freedom” and was entitled “Ultimate Goal: Freedom from Self-Imposed Limitations.” I think this perfectly describes what I have seen the Lord doing in my life. The past two years, the Lord has reintroduced the concept of His grace in a way that made me realize that I don’t think I ever really grasped it before. I firmly believe that I am saved by grace, that my eternal home in heaven was secured by what Christ (and only Christ) did on the cross and that I am reconciled to God because of Jesus. But somewhere along the way, I started to believe the lie – a very subtle one – that the rest was up to me. The sanctification part, the perfecting part, the obedience and living up to God’s standards after receiving Jesus as my Savior and the Holy Spirit inside of me – well, that was up to me. And so I have spent years under the bondage and weight of a burden that I was never meant to carry and honestly cannot carry. I forgot that Hebrews 12:2 states clearly that Jesus is not only the Author of my faith, but He is the Perfecter of it as well. It is His work from start to finish. And so with this new-found understanding of grace, I am learning to really step into the freedom that Jesus has for me, to let go of the ‘self-imposed limitations’ I have erected and held onto firmly under the misconception that it was up to me to accomplish and earn. Brene Brown says, “When we’re fueled by the fear of what other people think or that gremlin that’s constantly whispering “You’re not good enough” in our ear, it’s tough to show up. We end up hustling for our worthiness rather than standing in it. When we’ve attached our self-worth to what we produce or earn, being real gets dicey.” Yeah, real dicey.

I now know the truth in a deeper place in my heart than ever before,  not just head knowledge that is still impotent to transform and change a life. I am fully accepted because of Jesus Christ, that there is nothing I could do to earn it and nothing I can do to repay it, and any attempts is just being yoked back into slavery (Galatians 5:1).

And you know what comes with freedom?! You enjoy your life! Right there in the smack-dab middle of the mess there is joy! Right there in the middle of the imperfection and process and incomplete, there is a sigh of relief and rest because I know that Christ finished the work on the cross and promises to bring His work to completion in me. My job is to obey – the results are up to Him. Finally the pressure is off to perform and I’m literally freed up to do the things that God was calling me to in the first place.

So what is your story? What is your risk that God is calling you to or that you’ve stepped into? What have you learned? I’d love to hear!

In The Deep End

 

Clouds_over_the_Atlantic_Ocean

Last fall, my husband and I had the awesome opportunity to take a kid-less vacation. As much as I missed them, it was so nice to have some time alone with the hubs, and honestly, to just sleep whenever I wanted to. That is what I consider a vacation – not sight-seeing or shopping, but food and sleep. Total bliss!

Part of the purpose of this trip for me was to process some of the things I had been feeling God leading us to – lots of change, some physical and logistical, but mostly heart-related – the main being homeschool. Although the Lord had taken away some fear in it (my palms would literally sweat when I would talk about it), there was still a lot of anxiety and unknowns about what this would look like for our family, and I thought getting out of our usual routine would help me to gain some perspective.

Okay, that sounded really tame.
Let me rephrase this: I felt like I so desperately needed to hear from the Lord on this. Even though the Lord had already begun to change my heart and mind, I felt like I was two steps into a 100,000 mile journey. I needed more.

In God’s faithfulness, in the ways that only  He can, He did. He pulled together some amazing circumstances to speak to my heart and to my fear.

On the second day on our cruise, we had a day at a sea (meaning that we would just be sailing all day, in-between ports with no stops). We had found a great deal so we were able to score a room with a balcony, knowing we’d be spending a lot of time reading and laying around that week.

So as we’re sitting out on our little balcony, with my earbuds in, listening to a new Bethel album I had bought for the trip, journaling and spending some time reading the Word, I look up to see a bird flying next to the boat.

Now, we are no way near land.
How in the world is there a bird just flying out in the middle of the ocean?!

So I’m just kind of sitting there in disbelief, wondering if I’m really seeing this.

Since I was already praying, I figured I would ask God.

(I will admit, I don’t often ask questions like this in prayer – so the whole experience was a little peculiar and awkward for me.)

“Lord, how is it here?”

And I sensed the Holy Spirit impress on my heart almost immediately – ‘This is what you can do with Me. You can go out to the depths because I am with you.

Now – here’s a little insight, for those of you that may not know me very well. I am a planner.  I hear (or think I hear) God’s call to something, and I mark out my course, pack my bags for what I think I will need, and I set out with all the best intentions to obey. (Note all the “I’s” in this statement .) But what happens with this faulty approach is that I get to the shoreline, maybe even wade out into the waves a bit, but pretty soon I know that any further and I’m in over my head. I can no longer attempt to believe that I am capable of obeying and following Him into the depths on my own. (Enter guilt, shame, and discouragement)

But in this moment, and through all the change that the Lord was orchestrating in our lives, He was showing me that  the truth is that He not only calls, but that He also takes my hand and walks each step of the way with me, steadying me.

“You can go out to the depths because I am with you, sustaining you, giving you a place to rest.”

And what happened next was honestly just amazing. As I am watching this bird fly (let’s call him Finn for fun), I recognize that not only is Finn flying, but he looks like he is enjoying himself – flying side to side, dancing and diving, skimming the surface, and enjoying the depths.

Then the bird came and perched on the boat, with its little body in direct contrast to this massive ship, which was so capable of providing a perching spot, a place of rest.

Isn’t that an amazing picture of what journeying with God can be?!

He invites us into the depths because He knows that it is where the abundance is. It’s not in the safe and secure, the ground I can feel beneath my feet, where I build my own little kingdom that begins to taste grainy in my mouth like the sand I’m building it on. The abundance is in surrounding myself with water where it’s impossible to even attempt to do the thing on my own – all the while exhilarating and fulfilling the desires of my heart – desires that He fashioned when He created my heart in the first place. I experience His life inside of me, Him doing what only He can do in and through me. And that truly is the only thing on this side of heaven that fulfills.

That is the kind of life I used to pray for in college (when I was naive as to what that actually meant) – when I would ask that the Lord to make my life unexplainable apart for Him. I’m thankful that even though I had no idea what I was asking at the time, He decided to answer my naive prayers in His way and in His timing.

Lord, You are in the depths. You are in the chaos and the messy, the uncomfortable and impossible, the hard and miraculous. Despite my flesh, I want to be there. I want to experience not just Your sustaining hand, but the ways that You transform my heart to not only obey, but to enjoy it. I desire the freedom to trust You and just be and enjoy.

(This was a similar prayer I put in my journal that day, on the ship, inspired by the freedom I saw in Finn.)

(Side-note: Isn’t it incredible how someone else’s freedom can be so inspiring? I think that is what true freedom does – it gives us permission to be who we are, and yet shows us that we can step into so much more.)

Fast forward to this past December, and not only was I ready to step into the depths of homeschooling, I actually wanted to. There was excitement where there was once only extreme fear and dread.
It wasn’t perfect, but it was real. The Lord was doing something new.

And you know what else I discovered? I love it.

In His goodness, He can change our hearts and give us desires for the very things He is calling us to, planning for us, prepared before the creation of the world for us to step into.

“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” – Psalm 37:4

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:10

So what is your story? What is your ‘deep-end’ that you fear the Lord may be calling you to explore? What is holding you back and is it worth forfeiting the freedom that you will experience if you will just step off the shore?

Prayers for my kids

Prayer

 

 

I wrote the post below last summer, choosing to keep it as a personal prayer for me instead of a public post. However, as I read over it again today, I am overjoyed with how the Lord has already begun to reveal Himself through His Spirit-inspired prayer for my family, and so I wanted to share as a statement of gratitude and rejoicing in the things He has done.

Since praying this, my sweet Natalie has accepted Jesus as her personal Savior, and evidence of His movement in her life has been amazing. And so I will continue to pray these things in faith, knowing that the Lord desires and delights to accomplish these things- calling my sweet Peter to Himself and continuing to change and orchestrate our lives in whatever crazy ways will reveal Him most.

Just this morning I was telling my husband how amazing it is that I absolutely LOVE being at home with my kids full-time. What was once a daunting, intimidating task (not to say that it isn’t still some days) has become one of my greatest joys and I have discovered new passions I didn’t know were there. The Lord continues to rock my world, confirming that He knows my heart so much better than I do.

So below is something I believe the Holy Spirit inspired me to write for my family, and I encourage you to find out what specifics He wants you to be asking Him for. God is the Giver of Good Gifts, and He will direct our hearts to His heart if we ask Him to. So we are just joining in and agreeing with Him for the things that He desires to do in our hearts and in our lives. It’s pretty incredible! His goodness amazes me.

“Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and Your dominion endures throughout all generations. The Lord is faithful in all His words and kind in all His works.” -Psalm 145:13


June 2, 2014
In one of those rare, quiet and still moments, I am watching from another room both my kids nibble on pieces of loaf bread. And in my heart, I am praying that they will hunger for real Bread. That I will be able to sit back and watch them feast on God’s Word and hunger for His Truth. That I will get to watch as they get acquainted more and more with God, and then one glorious day, choose to believe that they need Him as Savior and Lord.

Lord, I pray that You would call my babies to Yourself. That you would give them ears to hear Your voice, and hearts that are receptive to Your truth. Faith comes from hearing, and hearing from the Word. Impress on my heart the importance and urgency of speaking Your Word to them every single day. Give me wisdom and fluency. Fill up my lack and do what is needed in me to overflow to them. Thank You for choosing me to be their mother. Give me courage to embrace this role and step into the authority that You have given me to guide them into Your Truth. Let them see me pursuing Your heart, being more concerned with knowing You than knowing about You. Show me how to abide and to know Your love that it can’t help but overflow to them. Your Word says that people will know us by our love. Help me to love them in such a way that they can’t help but know You in the process.

Thank You for the promise that it is You that works in me to will and to act according to Your good purpose. Show me Your plans for them and how to foster those plans, to support and encourage them to step into all that You have for them. Thank You for the truth that I can cling to that You are my competence and that I don’t have to rely on my own skills or abilities for this daunting task, but that You will equip me for everything that is needed through Your Spirit. Thank You that You are faithful to finish what You have started in me, that You will not leave me or forsake me. Thank You that You my ever-present help in times of trouble (and frustration and depression and anxiety and just being plain ole tired). Thank You that You are El Elyon, the Most High God, and that You are above every fear and obstacle and circumstance that claims it will keep me from the things that You are calling me to do, and You will see me through them. Thank You that You are my Hope that does not disappoint. Help me to fix my eyes on You and to run this race with endurance, giving me the wisdom to avoid the things that do not matter and the strength to throw off the sin that so easily entangles. Protect me from distractions that call me away from You and my family. Give me discernment to stay in turn with Your Holy Spirit, sensitive and connected. Remind me of the necessity of putting on the armor that You have given, so that I may stand firm in You against any attempts of the evil one. And then help me to stand firm, knowing that this is the most important work that I will ever be called to, and let me give myself fully to it, holding nothing back.

Thank You for changing my heart, and all the ways You will continue to change my heart. Thank You for awaken me to the ways that I have been misguided and deceived, and please continue to wake me up to Your truth and Your kingdom. You have been so faithful. Help me to cling to the ways that You have revealed Yourself faithful so that in moments of doubt, I still come to You. Transform our family for Your glory and Your purposes. I acknowledge, despite my deceitful heart, that You are the greatest treasure we can pursue. Help us to spend our lives doing that.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.